I think one of the biggest longings in the heart of a teenage boy is to be recognised – to know that he matters, that he’s valuable, that someone sees his effort.

Teenage boys are offered a very compelling path to recognition. It could be summed up as, “If you hustle hard enough, you’ll be a man who gets noticed.”

But again, in Jesus, we have something better to point to.

I love John’s account of Jesus meeting Nathaniel for the first time. Before Nathaniel meets Jesus, Jesus has already noticed Nathaniel. He has seen him under the fig tree. Jesus has noticed him, even before Nathaniel knew it.

And the same is true for those boys and girls who feel overlooked. They are seen, and appreciated by Jesus. Not only that, they are pursued by him. He sees them as precious – a treasure to be won. And he has purchased them at a high cost (1 Cor 1:20)

And the wonderful thing about this recognition, is that you don’t need to “hustle” to earn it or to keep it.

3. Real Masculinity

Amongst the conversations at the youth group, I often hear an underlying frustration from the boys.

“All you do is attack us as men,” one boy said.

I think a lot of boys feel this way, from people around them, but also from society as a whole.

When I asked one of the boys what he found appealing about some of the voices he’s listening to online he responded, “They stand up for what’s good about men.”

Amid this noise, I can see how a strong voice calling boys to be distinctive from girls will be appealing.

But again, Jesus offers something better here. He offers an invitation to boys and girls to be distinctly male and distinctly female – but in a way they were created to be.

For boys, he doesn’t call for a masculinity which is domineering, but instead one that seeks after God’s heart and leads the way, and shows the strength to sacrificially serve others.

I think of Paul’s words to a young Timothy: “But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith.”

This isn’t a call to passively sit back and play it safe, but a call to a fight! A good fight of the faith. Now that’s the kind of invitation that would have lit a fire deep down in my 14-year-old heart!

4. Real Intimacy

When I think back to when I was a teenager, feeling insignificant and alone, what I really wanted deep down was intimacy. To be known and loved. And in many ways, I think the things I’ve spoken about so far are pathways to this.

Boys won’t easily admit this, or recognise it. Online, they’re often told emotional detachment is strength and vulnerability is weakness. They’re presented with a fake intimacy – shallow and transactional without emotional depth. But that longing will remain.

Jesus offers real intimacy, where it’s safe to be vulnerable. And of course, he presents us to our Father, who runs to us, throws his arms around us and kisses us, when we return to him. (Luke 15:11-32)

For many of the boys I meet, who’ve never been hugged by their dad, this hits hard. It’s the first time they dare to hope they could be loved like that.

5. Real Commitment

When I was eight, one of my best friends from church suddenly died. When I was thirteen, I went through some traumatic experiences in my family. When I was 16 things came to a head and I went on a downward trajectory, through anxiety and depression, and at the earliest opportunity I walked away from church, and from God.

And yet throughout this time, there was another influence – my mentor from my youth group at church. Every week he would check in on me, even when I wasn’t coming to church. It was annoying at the time, but in a strange way, it was also an encouragement knowing he was there.

When I hit rock bottom, it was him that I called. And he said, “Why don’t you come back to church?” That was the turning point that led me to where I am today.

Unlike influencers who will pass away, Jesus is in it for the long run. And we as Christians must mirror this commitment to our young people. To be there week after week as a church. And to show all-powerful and all-loving Jesus as the only one worth following.