Moving our existing interactions with friends and neighbours onto a conversation that is eternally significant feels difficult. I know I can find myself feeling too tired or too busy to know what to say next, let alone have the boldness to say it.
There could be many reasons for this. We might replace ‘difficult’ with ‘awkward’, or ‘socially unacceptable’ or even ‘inappropriate’. But according to a recent survey*, 33% of non-Christians are open to talking more about faith. That’s 1 in 3 of our friends, waiting for and wanting us to initiate a spiritual conversation.
Something that’s liberated me is the realisation that spiritual conversations are simply that – conversations. It may be easier than we think…
I wonder if you see a pattern in the types of conversations you have. Do you often find yourself discussing the latest football results, or passing round a recent photo of your new puppy, or persuading a friend to try out a new restaurant you enjoyed? We don’t have to orchestrate or plan these conversations because they just naturally flow out of our passions. It feels easy to talk about what we love. I know someone who somehow manages to relate every discussion back to a scene from the 80s sitcom Black Adder!
There’s nothing wrong with puppies, football results, or even Black Adder! But here’s the thing – what if we just keep talking about what we love – and if we love Jesus, we talk about him!
Have you ever wondered why we think others might find a conversation about Jesus awkward? Perhaps we anticipate awkwardness simply because we feel awkward ourselves. This realisation has been incredibly liberating for me.
What has struck me recently is that it’s entirely valid for me to talk about the sermon I heard at church on Sunday if someone asks me what I did at the weekend.
I did just that recently, when a friend who isn’t a Christian asked me about my weekend.
How would she react – would she respond with an awkward silence or look for the nearest exit?
Actually the whole conversation felt really natural. It gave me a chance to ask how she spends her Sundays, and if they’ve ever been to church. It led to a genuine conversation.
The same opportunities crop up when someone asks how you’ve spent your summer or what book you’re reading at the moment.
By giving honest answers to these questions, we can give the other person an opportunity to ask more if they want to. I have found that if I respond confidently with a smile – rather than sheepishly, they respond in kind. Naturally, they can choose to then respond with a further question about our faith; comment about their own experience; or they can change the subject if they wish, and that’s OK too.
We love talking about what we love. So, feel free to!
And the same is true for our friends – when you figure out what makes someone tick, you’ll get them talking for hours, and this can be another great opportunity to steer the conversation towards something spiritual. Here’s an easy technique I’ve found really helpful...
Ask, listen, share is a basic formula for any conversation, to get the other person talking; sharing their passions and loves. We can apply it to spiritual conversations too. After all, it’s important to remember that spiritual conversations are just that – conversations.
You never know where a question might lead.
My friend was explaining how he loves tattoo images of religious icons. I asked him why and if he has a religious background. It got us talking about our points of view on the Bible.
Questions are fantastic openers to conversation, because it shows your genuine interest in the other person, and it gives them welcome space and time to talk about something they love.
At LCM, our missionaries who specialise in reaching Muslims with the gospel, are often saying how open Muslims are to talking about God.
If you meet a Muslim friend returning from their afternoon prayers, you could ask them how it went and what prayer means to them. With my friend I began the conversation with enthusiastic interested questions; “Is that something you do regularly? How often do you pray? Do you enjoy it? Did you grow up doing this?” I tried to find a common ground; “Me too! Prayer makes me feel calmer and helps me feel connected to God. I’m a Christian…”
Talking about Jesus with a friend from a different faith background may feel harder or easier, but if someone already has a faith, from the get-go they have a clear passion that they may just be willing to talk about...
Sometimes listening can be the hardest part, especially if a friend explains a point of view that we might disagree with. I know if they touch on a raw nerve for me, I just want to speak my mind. But since we’ve asked a question, the only genuine thing to do is to listen to the answer.
Missionary team leader Emmanuel Gill works in Harrow where the majority of people are from a south Asian background where the Hindu religion is observed. In this context he stresses the need for asking good questions, then patiently listening and learning before sharing our own beliefs.
Around this time of year (Autumn), you may see some Hindu men wearing a bracelet made of interwoven red and gold thread. Here’s an opportunity to ask them about it...
These bracelets are part of the Rakshan Bandhan celebration, related to the myth about a Hindu god Krishna, and Draupati a Hindu goddess. It is said that she came to his rescue by tying a piece of cloth around his wrist thus keeping his injured hand from losing too much blood. Krishna, so touched by her gesture, promised to provide her with love and protection for all time.
This festival brings the entire family together, as they signify the bond of love and protection between siblings, where a sister ties a bracelet made of woven threads around their brothers’ wrists.
As we listen, we learn about this ritual that is incredibly important to them and their culture. We are affirming them as people, and gaining their trust as friend. We can also ask follow-up questions, with a humble and learning attitude.
After asking and listening, we could respond by sharing how although in our faith we don’t have festivals depicting love and protection, we have many promises in the Bible where God promises to protect his people. Why not share a specific Bible verse or story where you have personally experienced God’s hand of protection?
“Just a basic knowledge of Hindu religious festivals can help provide a platform to ask good questions, and initiate a spiritual conversation,” encourages Emmanuel.
Only after asking and listening, have we won the trust of the other person. Sharing doesn’t have to mean responding with our contrasting view, but sharing is a way of us showing that we understand and respect the other person.
Initiating a spiritual conversation doesn’t have to be about stating our beliefs or explaining all the ‘answers’ from the get-go. Did you know that throughout the Gospels, Jesus asked 135 questions? Any good conversation starts with a good question.
I’ve been encouraged that initiating a spiritual conversation just means initiating a conversation; asking genuinely, listening patiently, then sharing lovingly.
*Talking Jesus survey 2022
LCM shares the gospel alongside the local church of London, equipping everyday Christians to lovingly bring a message of hope in Christ to those least likely to hear it.
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